The Mrs Club
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
This is for me. now. then. and for you incase you were wondering....
I wrote this in 2004...
I needed to read this today...
I am prone to this, seeking affirmation from others. Recently I have been in a position to receive wonderful words from people about my book, but juxtaposed against that is the fact that some things in my life just haven't been going as I would like. There are some voices I haven't heard positive things from and I won't lie ...sometimes its hard for me when that happens...hey I am a sensitive soul. This is very true...but I pulled this out from my archives to remind myself that I am a strong soul...and I recognize that not everyone who reads this may subscribe to my faith...but the principles are true for everyone.In any event I share this with you and as with everything I write...It is from my heart to yours.
The need for Affirmation
Recently I have begun to think about our need for affirmation; Affirmation
being defined as a positive declaration of truth, encouragement, terms of
endearment. Psychological experts tell us that whatever is wrong with us
today is as a result of something that was lacking or present in our
childhood. We were not hugged enough, or kissed enough or told I love you
enough. Surely there is some truth to the fact of a promiscuous daughter
being the result of an emotionally unavailable father, but I have to wonder
if that putting entirely too much focus on fellow human beings as affirmers
of our beings.
It is very important that a good parent affirm their child, using words of
encouragement and love. It builds up the child and bolsters the parent to
child relationship. It is also incredibly important that spouses affirm one
another, by doing this we can build loving and stable relationships. We are
here to help one another, love one another and affirmation is an outward
expression of love.
A lack of affirmation leads to wounded people walking around looking for
affirmation in the wrong places. Eating a whole tub of ice cream to feel better, turning to indiscriminate sex, consider Halle berry’s character in Monster’s ball when she implored, “Make me feel good”. When you don’t feel affirmed, you can
find yourself in some strange places, maybe sitting in the Oprah audience
just praying for her benign smile to fall on you, somehow feeling like that
will impact your life positively. I myself used to have fantasies of sitting
next to her on stage while she asked me how I became so fabulous. Then one
day, I started thinking, or should I say God started me thinking, whose
affirmation is more important? Is it that of my mom or dad, who while being
wonderful people are simply humans like me, prone to imperfection and
frailty as we, all are? Or my husband, who I adore but again is also human
and could fall prey to some common human tactlessness, or is it even Oprah,
who is wealthier than I can fathom, successful in the general term of the
word, seemingly generous and benevolent, with a Midas touch, and seemingly
spiritual, so therefore safe but whose heart and spiritual beliefs I truly
know nothing about.
The question remains, just whom should I be looking to for affirmation?
I once saw a book in the bookstore with a title that caught my eye, and it
was “Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten”, well I never read
the book, but as I thought about this issue of affirmation, I realized that
everything I need to know I learned in Sunday school.
Who I am and who should affirm me is very simple. I may be a wife, a
daughter, a writer, a friend, I may even find success in many arenas of
life, but who I am is very simple. I am a child of the Most High God.
Nothing I am can compare to that. I am a daughter of THE KING.
Furthermore while I love it when my husband reaches out to me and says I
love you, you are beautiful and you make a slamming goat meat stew! While I
love hearing his words of affirmation, it may not always be enough. My
mother may touch my heart when she affirms me, and my father may bring tears
to my ears with a card that tells me I am good daughter but if I don’t get
that, or if it doesn’t feel like enough, I need not go from pillar to post
I am already affirmed.
I learnt that in Sunday school, somehow I had forgotten this, but what we
must know, that is no matter who forsakes us, if your mother turns around
and hates you tomorrow, or your husband leaves you, or your friends turn against you or some other situation that I pray does not befall you or I by the grace of God, no matter what and no matter who doesn’t encourage us or even maligns us, we must remember, we are affirmed by God and that is simply amazing. Do not be fooled by the claims of the world that there is no God, or those claims that you alone can affirm you. It’s not enough for you to look in the mirror and say I am somebody.
Self-esteem is important but the ultimate self-esteem comes from knowing who
you are and who affirms you. If have difficulty remembering just how God has
affirmed you, just think about that song you sang as a kid in Sunday school.
“ Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so…
My darlings, do not seek out affirmation in the world. It cannot affirm you.
Recognize affirmation from your loved ones as what it is, outward
expressions of their love and it is sweet and wonderful, but a lack of it
cannot break you. It is sweet, to know you are loved by fellow human beings,
but how much sweeter is it to know that you are loved by Christ Jesus. Who
loved you so much He died for your sins. What greater love is there than
this? How He adores us. He may not comment on my jollof rice, but His love
for me is unconditional, I feel it when I pray and I know it as surely as a
six year old knows that song! You are loved and affirmed by the One who
created the heavens and the earth.
God bless you.
Posted by Naija Babe ::
2:47 AM ::
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