The Mrs Club
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The disease to please
Most people that know me don't know that I suffer from a condition I call Peoplepleasaritis - The need to please. When I was young, I lived for that look on someone's face that showed they were happy with you - You like me, you really like me!
As I got older, I recognized how people had used that to their advantage and as a consequence used and sometimes abused me. By the time I was in college after I had been devastated by teenage betrayal, I went through a radical pleasectomy. I cut the tumor out, except that I wasn't that skilled a surgeon and I cut out some crucial flesh with it. I did what I liked and only that, and you either liked it or lumped it. Few people were allowed close to me and those that were there, well they were and still are special (in the best of ways).
How far I had swung hit home when a friend of mine told me she would never choose me as a bridesmaid because she knew I would not go out of my way for her. I was sobered that day. What kind of person had I become? Yet there were some who would describe me as very giving and loving, my husband for one (as well he should I suppose).
Amaka, one of the characters in the book, also has this need to be accepted, but she has not gone through surgery as of yet, hopefully when and if she does, she will have a more skilled surgeon.
As for me, I am learning how to find a balance. My natural inclination is to give of my heart, give of my time, my money, everything even to my detriment. I learned how to hold myself back a long time ago and now I am learning how to share my love with out losing myself. In all things balance is key.
Now if I could just find the right balance between broccoli and brownies, it'll be all good.
Ngwanu my people.
Love will always be in style.
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Posted by Naija Babe ::
11:38 PM ::
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