The Mrs Club

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 To colored girls who considered suicide (or murder) when marriage was not enough

My people...Happy new year. Forgive me for being absent. Have a few new projects that are demanding my time. Have a new book coming out. Well two...First and please don't be too disappointed is a non fiction book of inspiration. What?!! I have received all of your emails about when is the next Mrs club coming out? I love you guys btw thanks for all the emails! It is coming O..."Watch this space for a preview..." in the meantime my new inspiration book is coming soon...so eat your vegetables while you wait for dessert!!!

I wrote this a while ago in response to the last post that was an email from a woman that her husband left for his mistress. Chai. I read that email and I was saddened. Not because he left her, because well, bad things happen but a man that leaves you...well let me keep my mouth shut, but it might be a blessing in disguise.

Anyway here is my response to her...

Maybe he hurt you
Maybe he left you
Maybe he disappointed you
Maybe he betrayed your trust
Maybe he broke your heart
Maybe he broke your spirit

May be you left him
May be you are still together
May be you are confused about what path to take
May be you are pressured into staying on one
One thing is for sure, no matter how you find yourself, in or out you can still be happy.

I got the saddest response to my note the other woman. From a woman who felt she lost her husband to one. It was filled with pain and bitterness. She felt victimized. She painted herself as less than and I know how that can feel when your self esteem is damaged.

I want to give her a hug and say this...

Perhaps you keep replaying the horrible things he said to you in your mind. Perhaps you look in the mirror and you no longer like what you see. Drown the noise out. Get a new soundtrack.

Just forgive and let go. Move on. You are not a victim.

Yes, he may have hurt your pride and shattered your heart, but you can still be happy. He was not courageous in leaving and your marriage was never a trap...He chose to walk out, ok, fine.

Truth be told, the demise of your relationship was not caused by him or you alone. Maybe there were things you both could have done better, maybe you could have both become better, because no woman can take a man permanently who wasn't already looking for a way out. So yes, this realization probably hurts and things may suck right now, but this is not the defining moment of your life.

This pain will pass, if you let it. What looks like an abandonment is actually a release. So you have downturned lips, get together with some girlfriends, have a glass of wine or two, put on some great music, allow yourself to cry it all out, then dance it all back, reclaim your sexy, reclaim your soul and open your eyes and live.

I know the other women may seem a person to envy right now, but I assure you the picture is not as rosy as you think it is. And anyway who cares. You have a brand new life ahead of you. A chance to do it all over. How many people get that?

You have your children, who no doubt are the most precious things in your life. Give them a kiss and hug and laugh with them. Shoot, if you can't call anyone, call me. Together we can cry and then dry our tears, we can pray and hear from God, then we can laugh and make merry, we can look at the life that is ahead of us, because I don't have any plans of dying and I will share with you the chapters that I have closed that were filled with pain and I will show you those that are not yet written that will be filled with joy. When something like this happens it is tempting to stay there but my darling turn the page. This is one chapter, it is not your whole story. Rewrite your poem.

I was the wife, in a past life
Now I look forward, now I look up
I have dried my tears, I have quelled my fears
I now know my worth, I know how to push forth.
I gave birth to children, I will birth myself.
Into a new place of healing and forgiveness, into a new place of possibilities and blessings.
Today I am rocking joy and I refuse to wear shame.
Today I will laugh
Today I will live
Today I will love
Watch this space...
because the best is yet to come.

Posted by Naija Babe :: 10:14 AM :: 0 comments