Champagne Taste, Beer Pocket
As I walked into the ballroom, I paused to smooth out a slight crease in my gown. All eyes were on me, and why not? I was looking too fabulous in my red Carmen Marc Valvo gown. The satin fabric highlighted my curves and the deep neckline made me look even more endowed that I already am. Move over ladies, Titi is in the building!
I had chosen my outfit and coordinated my whole look so carefully, that you would have thought I was going to the Oscars as a nominee. I even had my make-up professionally done and put a custom blended weave in my hair. Now I usually make sure my hair is on point but I wanted to take it to the next level. I swear when my stylist told me how much the hair alone was, I almost passed out. But I tell you it was worth the expense because my hair was like something out of a magazine, I mean I was totally Tyra meets Gabrielle Union, and I was loving it. Top it off with a few carefully chosen pieces of jewelry and there I was looking like a million bucks.
You might be wondering why I had to go through all of this effort. Truth be told, on any given day, I’d be considered an attractive woman. Okay, I’ll stop being modest, I am hot! I have this whole sexy vibe going.. But tonight was special: it was the annual Nouveau Africana gala evening. It was being held at the Ritz Carlton in Buckhead and the event brought out the crème de la crème of Africans in America. So you see, to me this event was even more important than walking the red carpet. The place would be teeming with rich eligible African men and my plan tonight was the same as it had been for the past year…to find a husband. Yes, I said it, I believe in being open, after all you never know who has a single investment banker friend looking to settle down. And I can admit that these days I have to work a little harder and be more strategic because…well, I am on the wrong side of 30.
You see in the African community, age is definitely not on a woman’s side. When you are about 22, you get put in the front window and are marked for sale. Then when you are about 26, they mark you 50% off, , 75% off when you are 28 and then when you are 30, the sign is changed to say: “ALL GOODS MUST GO!” Your sell-by-date has passed.
Oya, before you brand me as desperate, you should know that I have had many marriage proposals. After all a babe like me has a lot to offer: beauty, brains, and the ability to fully break it down in the bedroom on a regular basis! What? Why are you looking so aghast?! What is wrong with a woman enjoying sex and not being ashamed to say so? My problem is I haven’t quite found proper husband material and, for me, husband material means not just good looks, but also money and prestige. Now when I say money I mean a lot of it. That’s right, I’m not saying I’m a gold digger, but hey a woman has to keep up or at least improve her lifestyle! Look, I don’t believe in faking the funk. I am a straight-up person and there is no shame in my game, so yes I am looking for a husband but he better be rich, African and fabulous!
Every year Nouveau Africana Inc. hosts a benefit for AIDS treatment in Africa and it has become the signature event of the African social season, a veritable who’s who. Let me tell you, everyone is here from Emeka Anayo the NBA rookie of the year, to Dr. Agu, the first African immigrant named on the Forbes 100 list. If I tell you the hoops I jumped through to get tickets, Heh! I won’t lie O, it’s not easy trying to be among!
But it looked like all my hard work would pay off. The evening had just started and I had already spotted 3 well known millionaires. They were not contenders because they were all married and right now, I have no interest in married men, even though they quite frequently have an interest in me. Well, let me be honest, I might allow them to buy me the occasional Vuitton or trinket, but as far as starting an affair, forget it, I am much too focused on being a wife, so I can’t be investing in bad karma.
Fortunately there were some interesting bachelors there also. I spotted Dele Thompson, CEO of Thompson Engineering; he was actually featured in Fortune magazine and his net worth was estimated at close to $15 million. Add that to the fact that he is handsome, under 40 and from one of the big name families in Nigeria and you have a lethal combination. I was glad he was noticing me noticing him in my sexy red dress. Naturally his date noticed me as well and gave me the dirtiest of looks as she held on to his arm for dear life. I didn’t take it personally, after all e no dey hard make person ting become person ting abi,. Let me translate: one person’s thing can easily be taken by another. I wasn’t feeling like any drama that night so I moved on. But I fully intended to check out Dele when the time was right, girlfriend or not!
Sitting in the corner I saw Dan Okoli, or Dr. Dan as they call him. He was just featured in Atlanta magazine for pioneering some new surgery technique. He certainly meets my criteria in the finance department but as far as looks go, well let’s just say that he is not quite my style. I mean my guy is barely 5ft 8, is chubby and suffering from a case of adult acne, so even though Danny boy is seriously hot for me, I keep him on the back burner with the heat turned down real low. He waved when he saw me and tried to come over. I quickly looked away and walked in the opposite direction. Can’t settle for small fry now, not when the fishing is still good!